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Band Names for Toddler Parenting Scenarios

Jonah Hall
2 min readMay 26, 2020

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Life with a toddler isn’t simple. Life with a toddler in a pandemic is even less simple. On the one hand, my mornings and early afternoons (until naptime…if she settles for her nap) are always quite occupied and I don’t have time to obsess about the mess that is the outside world right now. On the other hand, the Pixies “Where is My Mind?” might as well be the toddler parent’s anthem for these last two months.

In honor of all the parents of 2–6 year-old children out there, parenting in this pandemic, here’s a list of band names for the various scenarios we find ourselves in:

photo via Visual Hunt

Potty training band names:

The Urinators
The Hold-It-Ins
The Tiny Accidents
The Overnight Pull-ups
Reluctant Shits

Tantrum band names:

The Histrionics
The Big Feelings
Tony and The Tantrumatics
Flooding the System
The Last Straws
Josie and the Breakfast Tossers
The Performance Artists
Immediate Reactors

Sleep-Deprivation band names:

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Jonah Hall
Jonah Hall

Written by Jonah Hall

Writing. Poetry. Personal Essays. On the NBA, MLB, media, journalism, culture, teaching and humor.

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