Real GM NBA Headlines (Trade Rumors Begin, Smack Talk, and Big Man Extinction Coming): January 14–21

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NBA News To Sustain Us Until the Trade Deadline (February 8). Plus, coffee.

*Clint Capela: “We’re Better Than the Warriors” (Warriors Response: Confidence is Helpful. Having Four All-Stars is Also Helpful)

*Giannis Antetokounmpo Resting Sore Knee For Eight Days (Jason Kidd Starts Calling Jabari Parker Every Fifteen Minutes, Begging Him to Play Before Doctors Officially Okay It, Despite Rust)

*DeAndre Jordan, Lou Williams Receiving Trade Interest From Cavaliers (Danny Ainge Calls Doc Rivers to Make Sure This Isn’t Close to Happening)

*Andrew Bogut Receiving Interest From Multiple Playoff Teams (Bogut Has Played 216 Minutes This Year Before the Lakers Waived Him, But His Enormously Long Arms and Anticipation Would Certainly Boost Defensively Challenged Reserve Units on Playoff Bubble Teams If His Legs Still Work)

*Cavaliers Interested In Trading For George Hill (Though They Still Wish They’d Traded for Paul George)

*Celtics Sign Jarrell Eddie to 10-Day Contract (38 of 75 From Deep in the G-League, Brad Stevens Will Ask Eddie to Stand in the Corner With His Hands Ready…Celtics Could Use Some Bench Shooting)

*Hornets Have Tried To Trade Nicolas Batum, Dwight Howard, Marvin Williams, Kidd-Gilchrist (Shockingly Teams Don’t Want Highly Flawed Players on Bad Contracts…Though Marvin Williams Was Solid Last Year)

*Kemba Walker Made Available in Trade Talks by Hornets (Hornets Trying Everything They Can to Get Out of $48M Owed Howard and Batum Next Year)

*Enes Kanter Hopes To Spend Remainder of Career With Knicks (Crazy…Meet Crazy)

*Damian Lillard Still Believes Market Size Matters For National Attention (Not Possible! How Can He Explain Every Free-Agent Choosing Milwaukee, Memphis and Salt Lake City?)

*Steve Ballmer Was Eager to Evaluate Doc Rivers As Head Coach (Used to View Chris Paul as Clippers Head Coach)

*Kawhi Leonard Out Indefinitely Continuing Quad Rehab (Gregg Popovich Opens Google Calendar to Check Dates For First Week After All-Star Break)

*NBA Executive: ‘Number of Big Men in NBA Could Be Cut in Half By 2020’ (This Headline Can Easily Be Misinterpreted to Mean That Many 7-Footers Will Be Chopped Down to 3'6" in 2020)

*Bulls Remaining Patient on Nikola Mirotic Trade Talks (Teams Refusing to Part With First-Rounder Based on Wildly Fluctuating 3-Point Percentage in Mirotic’ Career…39%…34%…this year’s 44.7%)

*Mike D’Antoni Claims Blake Griffin Made Intentional Contact With Him (Blake Griffin Claims Mike D’Antoni Yells Too Much and Crosses Sideline Onto Court Too Often…Rockets vs Clippers 1st Rounder, anyone?)

*Kings to Sit At Least Two Veterans Per Game to Develop Young Players (Even Though Its the Right Decision For the Future…Kings Fans So Glad They Paid Big Money For Season Tickets to This New Arena)


On Twitter @darkoindex

Writing. Poetry. Personal Essays. On the NBA, MLB, media, journalism, culture, teaching and humor.

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