Here’s a dip into the headlines from Real GM’s NBA wiretap over the last two weeks, with a parentheticals and theoreticals. One preface: Damn the Injuries Just Won’t Stop.
Scout: Mohamed Bamba Has Abnormal Length (Better than Abnormal Width) The 7-footer is actually listed at 207 pounds. That is probably a splashier headline. My goodness, give the man an endless bowl of pasta! Bamba has a ridiculous 7'9" wingspan and touches the rim without leaving the floor, a 9'7" standing reach. Hallelujah. Basically, he could be a slightly shorter Manute! Not to mention, his name is Bamba. The “La Bamba” possibilities make marketing him in the Southwest a veritable goldmine!
Kawhi: Ka-why, Ka-when, Ka-how? (There were at least half a dozen Kawhi-related headlines over the last two weeks. The summary: Kawhi might return…and he doesn’t hate the Spurs as much as the gossip-seekers wanted him to)
LeBron James: DeAndre Jordan Would Have Given Boost to Cavs (No shit! That’s What Raptors and Celtics Fans Were Afraid Of.)
Michael Carter-Williams Out For Season With Shoulder Injury (The MVP Race is Wide Open With MCW Out)
Anthony Davis Day-to-Day With Ankle Sprain (Eyebrows Still Healthy and Gorgeous)
Steph Curry Tweaks Right Ankle (Warriors Maintain Curry Ain’t a Tweaker)
Derrick Rose Signs With Wolves For Remainder of Season (Thibs’ Office Whiteboard Filled With Names of Players He’s Yelled At Before)
Daniel Theis Out For Season With Torn Meniscus (Is the Original Birdman Still Available Now that German Birdman is Out? Damn! Theis Would’ve Been Useful in Playoffs!)
Wesley Mathews Out For Season With Stress Fracture in Leg (I Still Love Wesley Mathews From that Blazers-Rockets Playoff Series!)
Marcus Smart Out Indefinitely With Torn Tendon in Thumb (F*ck! Sh*t! Argh! Dammit! Too Much Diving on the F*cking Hardwood!)
Suns to Sign Shaquille Harrison For Rest of Season (Not Quite Shaq, Maybe Equal to Andrew Harrison of the Grizzlies)
Kawhi Leonard to Meet With Gregg Popovich to Finalize Return (Thinking Maybe a Surprise Attack in Middle of Third Quarter on Sunday Night)
Raptors Pitched DeMar DeRozan On Shooting More Three-Pointers (Showed Highlights of Craig Hodges in the Three-Point Shootout, 1990–92)